Is it still "flow" or is it already a "waterfall"?
In the big fat irony of life, a few months ago, I started writing an essay about non-efforting and surrendering. And then… life became super full. And it started to feel more effortful. So I proceeded to feel like the ultimate imposter. Trying to write about the thing I was evidently failing at. While still tacitly remembering how I was crushing this whole new way of being only a few weeks prior.
In a true Maria fashion, I even blamed surrender itself for letting too much flow into my life. I surrendered to the call to buy a house, which I am currently spending all my “spare” hours renovating. I surrendered to a meditation teacher program, which is life-changing in all the best ways even if it takes up a large chunk of my weekends. I took on a few coaching clients because they showed up and I felt like that was the universe’s call. I said “yes” to a high-visibility project at work because again it felt like I was simply following through on my 2023 intention to surrender. (Don’t get me wrong I am incredibly grateful for all this. I would never dare complain about such abundance).
The thing with non-efforting is that it’s really hard to do when your life over-floweth.
I am avoiding the word “busy” because it sets the wrong expectation. Busy feels like it’s somehow forced upon. As if I didn’t control “busy”. As if “busy” took on a life of its own. But as Debbie Millman puts it, “busy” is entirely self-imposed.
"Busy is a decision. We do the things we want to do, period. If we say we are too busy, it is just shorthand for the thing being ‘not important enough’ or ‘not a priority.’ Busy is not a badge. You don’t find the time to make things, you make the time to do things."
Debbie Millman in “In the Company of Women”
I do wonder - however - whether “busy” is a conscious decision. To me, “busy” has a sleepwalking quality to it. Like operating on auto-pilot. So instead I choose the word full. My life is full right now because I made choices along the way that made it so. So now I have very little space for my favorite thing in the world. The non-efforting kind of fun.
Discovered sometime circa 2022, it’s the feeling of having plenty of time on my hands. It’s capacity in its purest form. It’s having the time to actually get bored. It’s having the space to decide in the moment what I feel like doing and then actually being able to do it. Non-efforting feels chill and present. Non-efforting doesn’t try hard. Non-efforting flows.
How did I get myself from a place of “ok let me surrender to the flow of life” and feeling in flow, to a place of “whoa, this is a waterfall how do I make it stop?”
There’s a principle in ancient Chinese philosophy called wu wei. The idea is a play on an “action of non-action”. Not in the sense of laziness or passivity. Rather - non-doing, non-action, non-interfering. But real wu wei comes without effort, strain, or any focus on getting into a state of wu wei.
In the words of Alan Watts: "The real wu wei is not intentionally wu wei, and so it is wu wei. But, inferior wu wei so tries to be wu wei that it isn't." Get it?
The more I try to just get back to being in flow amidst the intensity of the present moment, the further I push myself away from that flow. Wu wei actually speaks to my kind of situation. And it offers the coolest form of paradox. It tells us to create harmony between stillness and action. It teaches us to remain at peace while engaged in the most frenetic activities. To be fully present for what is even when what is, is challenging. To remain non-straining even when life becomes straining.
With that - you now know what dance I’ll be practicing over the next few weeks…