Crumbs on the table of life
Here’s a controversial take. None of us matter. None of our actions matter either. We are freakin’ specks. We’re crumbs on the table of life.
It’s hard to think about this, right? Yep. Do you feel inner resistance? I do. Did I annoy you by making those statements? Fuck yeah, I did.
But if you zoom out beyond our galaxy or fast forward 2,000 years - can you see our smallness? What does impact even mean for someone so minuscule as us humans? Then again… if you think you can be the Aristotle, Hippocrates, or Buddha of the 21st century - then sure, maybe your legacy will be lasting. (Trust me, I’m also annoyed that they’re all men. Cleopatra and Nefertiti come up among the “ancients”, but not sure they left a big legacy?)
Perhaps counter-intuitively and counter-culturally, I’ve recently found great comfort in my own cosmic insignificance.
It must have started sometime in the summer. Prompted by reading Oliver Burkeman’s new book, I remember talking to a friend about the utter insignificance of my impact on the world and how weirdly liberating it felt. I wasn’t new to the realization that “hey, we all die”. I’ve done Maraṇasati in Pali - the death meditation - a few times before. Every time ending in sobs - highly recommended. I’ve had the “life in weeks” app on my phone for years. I even did a stint in estate planning. But Burkeman’s book left a new imprint. He took the pressure off of the idea that even with laser focus and ruthless prioritization we can - or even should aim to - make a dent.
It was refreshing, especially in the context of our cultural zeitgeist. We’re so steeped in stories of hustle and grind, that any alternative seems insubstantial. Long hours. Bold, hairy goals. Monumental efforts. Big dreams. Leaps of faith. Sleepless nights. Somehow these things have become the ultimate flex. And seemingly the only way to “change the world”.
I’m really over the idea that the only thing we should be striving for are those big swings. So. Much. Ego.
Launching an app does not change the world. Working long hours doesn’t make you more likely to succeed. Striving to create a multi-generational impact doesn’t require big swings. Yeah, all unpopular opinions. Based on personal experience.
“No wonder it comes as a relief to be reminded of your insignificance: it’s the feeling of realizing that you’d been holding yourself, all this time, to standards you couldn’t reasonably be expected to meet.”
-Oliver Burkeman
Could we be happier if we didn’t obsess over finding or pursuing world-changing ideas? How could we make it more OK to live for the here and now? What happens when the idea of “lasting legacy” is unrealistic and needs to fall away?
I’ll be the first to admit that I struggle with embracing this new part of my worldview. The reality is that it resonates with me because I need a big dollop of balance to how I’ve shown up over the past decade. Who am I if I am not my achievements? How do I talk about myself if not in the context of the positive impact I try to create in the world? How can I not lose myself on a path to manifesting some bold vision?
I’m not trying to say that we can’t live our lives to the fullest or make the most of the energy we have. I’m just wondering what would happen if we let the ego fall away. We bear an impact on the people who know and love us. We matter to the communities we are part of. What would happen if we focused our efforts only on things we have direct influence over, today? Could these be the new versions of “moonshots”?
I’m trying to embrace my cosmic insignificance. Intrinsic self-worth over external praise and recognition. Impact on one person today, over impact on millions of people 10 years from now. Our insignificance can be a source of liberation. We no longer have to fit molds. We can focus on micro-shifts instead of big swings.
A homemade meal. A quick text of appreciation. Some extra long cuddles at bedtime. Getting a co-worker their favorite pastry. Using our talents to help a friend in need. Without an agenda to change the world. With a simple goal to show up in our tiny little microcosm of the universe. Feel the grand power baked into the smallest actions.
–The Practice–
Focus on the smallest, daily actions to bring you close to how you want the world to feel. Focus on what cannot and should not have to wait.
A dear friend came to your mind - text them immediately, don’t put it off.
A stranger smiled at you in passing this morning - pass it forward by smiling at another stranger.
A co-worker seems stressed - ask them what you can do to help them.
Your kid is cranky and whiny - stop what you’re doing and focus only on them for the next 15 min.
You get the point.
If you enjoyed this piece - I’d love it if you sent it to anywhere between 1 and 3 of your most favorite people. Small action, low on ego, cosmically insignificant. And yet you’ll be making my day.
Thank you for being here and ambling along with me.